


Feelings are just like the weather

by Kamitteru



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Author is a mess that writes instead of actually coping, F/M, Feels, I said slow burn but this dumb bitch actually doesn't know how to write long chapters so???, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Or Anything Else, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Suffering, Two dumb teens struggling with feelings, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, VERY loosely based on Kuzu no Honkai, author deserves a break too but :'), endgame is oumasai, occasionally OOC but that happens when you're sad and shit, these kids deserve a break tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15457908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamitteru/pseuds/Kamitteru
Summary: Sometimes you can tell that something is wrong without even knowing what. It's not intuition. It's that moment you walk into the room and look around, that moment you register whatever is off, that moment your stomach starts churning and your heart drops even though you're not sure of what exactly is wrong. It's that moment Shuichi Saihara walked into the classroom to find Kaede and Amami talking together.--"Soooo… how about joining a lonely hearts club with me?"--(Aka: two dumb teenage boys who have in common that their crushes are dating each other try and face their pain together)





	1. Crumbling

**Author's Note:**

> *abandons previous work but starts a new thing*
> 
> Tfw you lowkey want the title to be "lonely hearts club" but you know that's too overused and cliche so you end up with other lyrics from Marina's absolute banger of a song.
> 
> \--
> 
> So this is basically pure self-indulgence and therapy. For real, 90% of the material used for this fic is based on what I went through myself or feelings I have. The other 10% is very loosely based on Kuzu no Honkai, but since the story isn't a crossover or the plot of KnH rewritten with the DR cast, don't take that to heart too much! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for checking this out and I hope you enjoy my story.

Sometimes you can tell that something is wrong without even knowing what. It's not intuition. It's that moment you walk into the room and look around, that moment you register whatever is off, that moment your stomach starts churning and your heart drops even though you're not sure of what exactly is wrong. It's that moment Shuichi Saihara walked into the classroom to find Kaede and Amami talking together. If you'd ask Saihara to pinpoint what was upsetting him about the exchange, he couldn't. It was just… the atmosphere. The way the two were talking, the way they sat next to each other. No, there was nothing really wrong about it, but at the same time, everything about it was wrong. 

As Saihara sat down at his desk, he tried to calm himself. He had deluded himself too often already, so he couldn't trust the bad feeling just yet. Maybe this was just another one of those moments, another bad conclusion he jumped to, another paranoid guess that he shouldn't have trusted. 

At that moment, Kaito, who was seated next to Saihara , started wolf whistling. At that moment, Saihara knew. "Hey, is something…?" He didn't finish his question. He couldn't. Kaito grinned at him, blissfully unaware of the fact that Saihara's world crumbled away underneath him as they spoke.

"What, ya curious, sidekick? I'm surprised Kaede didn't tell you, honestly! Well, it's a work in progress, but they like each other for sure!" 

Without skipping a beat, Saihara flashed a blinding smile. "I didn't know, but that's great. Do you know long this has been a thing?" He was an excellent liar when the situation called for it, really. Voice sweet as sugar and a face as bright as the sun. If he could just keep that up, no one would notice that inside, he had turned pitch black. 

"Hmmm, Amami actually told me three months ago that he liked her. Kaede, I'm not sure. She started liking him a month ago, I guess? Man, I can't believe it's taken them this long," Kaito replied. "Well, me neither. I hope for them that they confess soon." Lie. What a bunch of filthy, obvious lies. 

The conversation came to a standstill, and Saihara tried to convince himself to stay. He could just keep it inside. Stay strong just a bit longer. He lasted a minute before he stood up and left without saying a word.

\--

The moment Saihara got into his bed, he broke down. It had always been like that. He couldn't express his emotions well when others were around, but as soon as he was on his own, the tears would come. He hadn't sobbed this hard since a long time, though. One year and three months. That was how long Saihara loved Kaede now. And after that one year and those three months, he hadn't made any progress at all. 

And then there was Amami, that stupid Amami, who had somehow captivated Kaede after a few months. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. 

Saihara hated them, he loathed them, he despised them, their very existence ticked him off.

He hated Amami for existing, for the fact that he was so nice to everyone that Saihara couldn't even get away with demonizing him, he hated Amami for stealing away his crush and for making her happy in ways Saihara couldn't even dream of.

And he hated Kaede too. For being his crush, for falling for Amami, for making his day and shattering it at the same time, for the fact she was never going to love him back. Most of all, he hated her because he couldn't. He couldn't possibly hate her, and he knew it. No matter what web of lies he'd spin, no matter how much he convinced himself he did loathe her, it never made a difference in the end.  
God, love was worthless. 

_Knock knock_

A knock on his door. Maybe it was her. Kaede. Coming to tell him that it was all fake, a prank, nothing but a bad dream, and that she didn't feel anything for Amami. No, it couldn't be. Saihara wasn't smart when it came to love, but he wasn't that naive either. 

Anyway, he couldn't open the door. He didn't really feel like explaining his swollen eyes and blotchy face. So no, he wouldn't respond to whoever was calling out. 

"Shumaiiiii? It's me, your favorite supreme evil leader!"

Now he sure as hell wouldn't open up. Saihara liked Ouma, at least more than most of his classmates, but it was undeniable that Ouma was a pain and well, not the best person to have around when you needed consoling. 

"Awwww, aren't you gonna open the door? That makes me really sad, y'know? I could start bawling right here. Or maybe that's a lie? Who knows?" 

Just leave, Saihara thought. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk. There's nothing to say. 

"Hey, if you're gonna continue being such a stick in the mud, I just might tell the entire class about your huuuge crush on Kaede. That would be awkward, considering the situation, right, Shuu?"

The door opened.


	2. The Lonely Hearts Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad luck never comes alone. It brings Ouma along. 
> 
> Turns out, Ouma actually has feelings too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters on this fic are so short!! What the hell!!
> 
> For real though, I pour my heart into every chapter of this garbage fire, so I hope y'all enjoy!

"How do you know, Ouma?"

So the saying that bad luck never comes alone is right, Saihara thought. He didn't know how else to explain the fact that this day was only getting worse. Saihara didn't want to think ill of Ouma, but still, he couldn't help but feel like he would much rather have someone else be in on his secret. Ouma was precisely the type to make this into some game, or to try and manipulate Saihara into doing his bidding by blackmailing him. What a mess. 

"Well, Saihara-chan, I gotta hand the truth to you for once: you kind of suck at hiding it. You're lucky Momota-chan is as dense as a slab of granite, you knoooow?" Ouma grinned at Saihara. Saihara wasn't sure if it was a pitying or mocking grin, but it ticked him off regardless. 

"You're not gonna tell it to anyone. That's not a question. I'm not in the mood for your games, Ouma. This secret is not something that should be messed around with." 

Ouma regarded Saihara with eyes wide of surprise. "Wow, I didn't know you had it in you to be so assertive! That's interesting." 

At that moment, the grin turned into a dark grimace. "Listen, Shumai. I've got a proposal for you."  _There we go, his real motive_ , Saihara thought. 

"Soooo… how about joining a lonely hearts club with me?"

\--

"A what now?" 

"A. Lone. Ly. Hearts. Club!"

"I heard you the first time, I just don't get what that's supposed to mean and why the hell I'd have to join it," Saihara growled annoyed. That resulted in snickering from Ouma. 

"God, you're pretty stupid for a detective. What I mean is a place for people without a lover, or any love life for that matter, to discuss their troubles!" 

The idea wasn't so bad, Saihara thought. He didn't mind a shoulder to cry on, someone who would sympathize with his feelings and comfort him. Besides, Saihara knew he was as good as emotionally constipated. He kinda needed the practice. 

However, this wasn't just "someone". It was Kokichi Ouma, a lying brat who almost seemed to have no conscience. Saihara was pretty sure he never even saw Ouma experience anything that would count as sentiment. He wasn't sure someone like Ouma could actually be a help to him. And besides…

"Why would you join? You don't seem to have any troubles with love. You always proclaim that evil leaders don't need love, don't you?"

Ouma's face changed into something Saihara hadn't seen before. For a moment, Ouma looked just like a boy, without the insanely exaggerated expressions he loved to wear so dearly. His big purple eyes turned somewhat moist, the corners of his mouth fell. When Saihara blinked, the sad face was gone and Ouma's eyes were as bright as ever. 

"Didn't I tell you, detective? Stop being stupid. I have my own business going on as well. I'm just not as big of an idiot as you are, so I actually do know how to hide it." 

"You have a crush too?" The question slipped out before Saihara even knew he wanted to ask it. It was just such a weird thought, Ouma in love. "God, Saihara-chan, I just told you! Pay attention, will you? I'm never this truthful, so you could at least listen properly when I am."   
"Do you mind telling me who it is? I understand if you feel like that's too private, but I promise I'll keep it a secret. And maybe it's a nice start to that lonely hearts club you were talking about." Saihara was interested, he wouldn't lie about that. He wondered what kind of person Ouma would fall for. 

Ouma stayed silent. His eyes glazed over again, a carbon copy of the expression he had earlier. For one second, he opened his mouth, then shut it. After a while, he managed a shaky sentence.

"It's Amami-chan."

And with that statement, the lonely hearts club officially opened.


	3. Coping Mechanisms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouma and Saihara set up the club that will help them deal with their overwhelming feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually wrote the first six chapters in one 4 hour long sitting yesterday, and another two just now. Writing these things are actually pretty healing, so for now I don't think I'll have any trouble with updating regularly. I will spread the written chapters a little though, so I'm not just gonna dump like 4 chapters in one go. Double-updates could be possible though, especially since these chapters are really short because I'm awful at keeping chapters going. We'll see how it goes!
> 
> Anyway, as usual, thanks to you as a reader for taking time to check this out! I appreciate every single reader s o m u c h !! Y'all guys are awesome and every kudo/comment/bookmark makes me happy!

Saihara Shuichi didn't know Ouma. That wasn't weird, of course, since Ouma didn't allow anyone to know him. It was like he was scared of people finding out that he wasn't such an evil person as he made himself out to be. Every little thing Ouma said was to be doubted. However, for once Saihara knew he spoke the truth. Even Ouma, with his endless deceit, couldn't fabricate this act. For once, Saihara saw the true Ouma. Unsurprisingly, that "true Ouma" very closely resembled a hurt teenage boy who didn't know what to do with the feelings pouring out of him. 

\--

"The worst thing is that I can't blame either of them, you know? They're both nice people. Way nicer than I am, that's for sure. If I were Amami-chan, I wouldn't pick me either."

That stung. It was precisely what Saihara had told himself way too often: you're not good enough for her anyway. Kaede, with her warm smile, heart of gold and impeccable social skills, would never fall for some nerdy loser who didn't know how to handle himself. You just had people like her, who were popular and loved by all, who would go on to become class rep and the like, people whose name was well known, and you had people like Saihara. People that were just… there. No one minded his existence, probably, but no one celebrated it either. He wasn't the kid that would end up without a partner during assignments, but he wasn't anyone's favorite person either. So yeah, he didn't blame Kaede. He couldn't. Because he already blamed himself.

"I understand how you feel, Ouma. I… feel that way, too. I always knew Kaede was too nice for me. I don't think my goal ever was to make her fall for me. There is no objective behind my crush, I guess. So I want to say that this is okay, that she should move on with Amami and have fun, but… I-I don't know. I don't think I mean that."

Ouma sighed, twirling a bright purple lock of hair around his finger. 

"People who say that they are fine with it are liars, Shuu. I know, because I'm a liar myself! What you wish for and what you actually feel are different things. People who say that just want to be nice and strong and considerate, and have everyone feel like "wow, this person is super mature!" but deep down they're not at ease with it either. That's not a bad thing, but lying to yourself is no good, right, Saihara-chan?"

Saihara couldn't help but still feel weird hearing Ouma speak honest words like that. He almost felt like the purple haired boy could turn it all around any moment now, by saying "It's a lie!" or some bullshit like that. He wouldn't, though. You couldn't fake this honesty. It was pretty refreshing, actually. 

\--

"Shuu?"

"What is it?"

"I can't guarantee I won't start talking trash about Kaede-chan someday."

Saihara couldn't help but smile a little.

"I… guess that's fair. I think I'll defend her though. I also can't guarantee I will always be reasonable about Amami."

Ouma grinned back at him.

"That's okay, Saihara-chan. The lonely hearts club will tolerate hate speech. A little."

Ouma seemed to sink into thoughts after that. Saihara never really knew how to handle things like that (Is it okay to disturb people when they're thinking? Do you leave them alone?) but decided to ask what was on Ouma's mind anyway.

"How about we make a blood pact? To truly kick off the club, I mean."

"There's no way I'm going to cut in my finger because you want an oath."

Ouma started pouting, almost looking like the bothersome brat he portrayed himself as.

"Ahhhhh, Saihara-chan can be such a bore! We'll do it with spit, then."

"Spit? Ehh… okay. I guess I can do that. If that's what you want."

The two both spit on their hands, and then shook them together. 

"Don't let go yet, Saihara-chan. You gotta repeat this after me."

"God, really? You're being a pain, you know that?"

"My crush just pretty much started dating. I'm allowed to be a pain."

"I'm in the same situation! Cut me some slack."

"Jeez, just repeat after me. This club is there for is in good and bad times."

Saihara cleared his throat, and repeated Ouma's words. It was mostly a description of the club and what its use was. Ouma sure was dramatic about it though. Was that how he dealt with emotions?

"Done! And that's that! Now we can just come over to each other and talk about what's bothering us! Aren't I smart, Shumai?"

\--

Saihara knew that it wasn't that easy. Even though Ouma was surprisingly good company and even though it felt nice to talk about his problems, it hurt inside. It would keep on hurting. It's not as if some silly club would prevent that. But even though all that is true, Saihara was relieved that he had that same silly club. 

The pain wouldn't stop, but maybe it could be soothed.


	4. The Beginning (For Real)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Panta couldn't wash away the bitter taste the new couple left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dj Khaled voice* another one

"Congratulations! Gonta is happy that his classmates found love."

"Tenko is kinda disappointed that such a beautiful girl is dating a degenerate male, but you have my congratulations as well."

"Angie heard from Atua that Atua blesses your relationship~ Ahh, Angie does too, of course!"

"I'm happy for you two! Truly an OTP ready to storm the popularity lists!"

"Love is one of the most beautiful aspects of humanity. I'm curious to see what kind of beauty your love will show me."

"Oi, if you two start fucking, ya better give me the details afterwards!"

"I-Iruma-san, don't be so vulgar!"

Kaede and Amami stood there, surrounded by the entire class. The pair looked like proper newlyweds. The only thing missing was a ring. Amami had his hand wrapped around Kaede's waist, and a beautiful smile that could only be described as "love" adorned both of their faces. 

Seems like it had begun. The beginning of his own personal nightmare.

\--

"Sooooo… they started dating, huh? I don't know if this is more disgusting than that awful mutual pining phase, but it's gross nonetheless. Even Panta couldn't wash away that bitter taste."

Saihara nodded, eyes glazed over as he was staring in the distance, thinking.

"It's only gonna get worse though, Shuu-chan. You do realize that?"

Saihara focused himself to pay attention, to rip his eyes and his thoughts away from the gutter. It was no use being lost in thought about something when the very reason he was here was to talk about that 'something'. 

"How do you mean, it's gonna get worse?"

"They're gonna start hugging more often. Texting each other every rare second they're apart. Holding hands. Swapping clothes. Giving each other jewelry or something to wear in public. Kissing. Making out. Doing sexual stuff. Having sex. Not to mention all the birthdays and parties and Valentines Day and anniversaries. And all our classmates are gonna love it. The future's looking bleak, Shumai."

Saihara didn't even want to think about it. He didn't want to know what the two were up to. He already felt tired just thinking about needing to go through every stage of their relationship, and having to cheer every development on. Kaede was still his friend. He couldn't let her know he had problems with the very thing that made her happy. 

"What happens once they break up?"

A bold question. Saihara knew that. It wasn't like him to be focused on the end before it even began. 

"I don't know, Shuu-chan. Won't you feel sad for Kaede-chan? She's gonna struggle with it for sure, once that happens. It's probably gonna take ages before they break up, though." 

"I know. I think I'll be happy once it's over, but I'll also feel for Kaede. And I'm sorry, but if Amami breaks her heart, I'll be pissed. Kaede doesn't deserve that."

Ouma let out a hollow laugh. There was no joy in it at all. How were you supposed to laugh joyfully when your crush started dating someone who perfectly fits them? How were you supposed to be happy when the person who brought you joy had found happiness in someone else?

"Same here. I'll probably send my entire organization after Kaede if she messes with his heart, so you better watch out. But honestly, I also kinda dread the moment they'll break up."

"Why? Aside from feeling bad for Amami, a breakup won't have any negative effects on you, right?"

"I'll… I'll have hope again."

"Hope?"

"I don't stand a chance. I've always known that. And now that I know his type is someone like Kaede-chan, I _really_ don't stand a chance. But still, once they'd break up, I'd start hoping again. Maybe, maybe. What use are lies like that? If I believe in them, I only end up confessing and looking like a fool."

So Ouma suffered from that stubborn little spark of hope as well. Saihara had always hated that feeble voice in his head. The voice that'd tell him things like "maybe if you talk more to her" or "maybe in the future". The voice that kept nagging on about how the one who perseveres get what he wants in the end. The one who perseveres gets nothing. He only ends up with a whole lot of drama. 

"You haven't confessed? I-I haven't either, so it's not like I'm judging, but it's just very much something you could pull off, Ouma."

"Pulling off a confession? Me? You're kidding me, right? God, square up, Shumai. I'm shit at being honest. I'd probably keep on that stupid mask the entire way through. Besides, I know it wouldn't matter anyway. Amami-chan would just brush me off with a "sorry, but you're more like a little brother to me". I don't want to hear that I'm in the little brother zone. That's pretty much the last thing anyone wants to hear from their crush." 

"Hmm, I think I get that. I'm pretty sure Kaede would call me just a friend if I were to confess."

"We suck, Shuu-chan."

\--

"How did you end up falling for Kaede-chan anyway?" 

"I… I think I liked her the moment I met her. The warmth of her smile, her kind words, her pure heart. She always cheered me up, even when she was just talking to someone else. Plus, she's… very pretty too. The fact that someone as radiant as her exists is already shocking to me."

"How romantic, Saihara-chan. Way sweeter than I'd expect from you, actually! Are you secretly a romantic at heart, Shuu?!"

"Oh, shut up," Saihara retorted, ruffling through his hair of embarrassment. 

"How'd you come to like Amami, then?"

"He's pretty."

"I-is that it? Really?!"

Ouma chuckled at Saihara's confused face before answering.

"Well, that's how it began. He's pretty, so he drew my attention and I got a little crush on him. However, once I started paying more attention, I fell in love with him. He's very kind to people, you know, and he's funny. Everyone likes talking to him. He's totally unlike me, but I like that. I guess… I admire him in some way. God, Saihara-chan, that was embarrassing and stupid. Remind me to never talk about my feelings again."

"Hey, this club can only work if we are both honest, even though it's hard. I liked your story."

"Tch."

\--

Tears. All of a sudden. 

Saihara knew that's just what love did to you sometimes, but he had never really felt it like this before. He thought he was doing fine. He realized there was no such thing as "fine", when the person you've fallen in love with is in a relationship with someone else. The only "fine" you have is incredibly fragile. It's there one minute, but one tiny little thing can set you off into a breakdown. The "fine" is like an eggshell: whole one second, cracked into tiny pieces the next. You're constantly dangling on the edge, masquerading as someone who's doing great, knowing deep down that you're not what you're pretending to be.   
So that's why.

Tears. All of a sudden. 

It didn't even take a second for Ouma to also burst into tears. Real ones this time, not the huge flood of tears he'd produce when someone didn't act like he wanted them to. 

There they were. Ouma and Saihara. Both hopelessly in love with people who would never even come close to returning those feelings. They both had the same reason to cry. They cried together throughout the day, knowing that they'd cry tomorrow and the days after that too. They didn't know when they would stop with crying. Did you even stop? Wasn't it true that when your first love is so utterly hopeless and unrequited, and when that same first love starts dating someone, you end up crying even after it's over? Some people said love was infinite, after all. 

They didn't know the answers, no matter how long they'd ponder over it. And sometimes, when you don't know, crying is the only way to handle it. 

So that's what they did. 


End file.
